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The following quotes were sent to me recently in an email by my friend Frank Farrelly A.C.S.W, developer of Provocative Therapy. Apparently they're all from real bulletins that were posted in churches around the USA.

The sermon this morning:'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'