Crisis of Faith

Person 1: ‘I don’t just believe God exists - I know God exists! I will never doubt His presence. I’m totally faithful to God and nothing will ever cause me to question my beliefs. Nothing! Ever! I’m a True Believer.’

Person 2: ‘Sometimes I doubt the existence of God. I look at the world around me. I watch the news. I see the papers filled with alarming reports of wicked suicide bombers, evil rapists, polluting, greedy big business and insidious corruption in government. I learn of famines. Disease epidemics. Volcanic eruptions. Floods. Tidal waves. Heat-waves and deadly freezing temperatures. And I shiver at the meaning of what this could suggest. Helplessly I watch how innocent people, good people, sometimes suffer and die in ways that any reasonable human being would consider to be unfair, even cruel. I see the tears that people weep. And as a result I often think deeply about what this could mean and I wonder, I really wonder, does a God of Love, can a God of Love really exist... based on the evidence of my senses? And sometimes I’m not so sure. And this scares me. I don’t want to think of a world devoid of the presence of a benevolent God who is deeply, personally, lovingly interested in the welfare of all living beings. In fact, sometimes, I worry not that God might not exist but rather that He does exist and that He might be cruel, spiteful and whimsical, particularly when I consider how much pain and suffering takes place in the world, each and every day, and how this process has occurred, day in, day out... over millions of agonising years. Then I shiver as I wonder - maybe there is a God, but maybe He’s not the kind of God that any sane person would hope for? And as I sometimes worry about all of this - I find that my faith crumbles.’

If there is Benevolent Universal Intelligence that exists which could reasonably be called ‘God’, ‘Spirit’, ‘The Great Mystery’ or simply ‘The Force’ what kind of God is this God? Is this God a good God? Or is this God a bad God? And if this God exists how does He feel about people like ‘Person 2’ above who ask questions about whether or not He exists and who wonder, if He does exist, what does the nature of reality have to say about His character?

These are very BIG questions. And I’m not going to run the risk of trying to follow in the footsteps of others who’ve sought, from their limited finite perspectives to give categorical, rigid, fixed, all-encompassing, sometimes simplistic, answers to questions that are, I suggest, ultimately, beyond full human comprehension. Nevertheless, I will attempt to share some of my own thoughts in the hope that what I’ve learned and experienced over my 50 years will prove useful for at least some who read this article.

For the Record...

1) Religion

I’ve studied the field of comparative religion (a process by which the beliefs and philosophies of different religions are compared). From my mid 20s to my early 30s I spent years studying the Bible. I’ve read books written by erudite authors on the subject of biblical criticism (the science of analysing the textual word patterns and the basis, the source, of the parables used in the Bible, etc) and the evidence for the ‘historical Jesus’. I’ve read a lot of the Koran and several books on the life and character of the Prophet Mohammed. I’ve read the Gathas and studied the life of Zoroaster (also known as Zarathustra). I’ve studied the Prophet Mani and read much of The Gospel of the Prophet Mani. I researched Hinduism and the life of Krishna. I studied Buddhism.  I read books about the life and character of Buddha. I read about George Fox and The Society of Friends (also known as The Quakers), John Wesley and The Methodists and Herbert W. Armstrong and his view of the Bible upon which his Worldwide Church of God was formed (now, since his passing, called Grace Communion International). I looked into Taoism, Shinto, Jainism, Sikhism and the life of Guru Nanak, and, in part, those gurus who followed him. I explored the spiritual beliefs of ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome and the Norse. I’ve studied shamanism and mysticism, in great depth, over a number of years. I’ve explored the lives of many of the great saints, including St Joan of Arc, St Teresa of Avila, St Therese of Lisieux, St (Padre) Pio, St Bernadette, St Francis of Assisi, Dorothy Kerin, Dorothy Day, Sai Baba and others (and I’ve visited Lourdes the home of St Bernadette; Lisieux, the home of St Therese; and Rouen, the place of St Joan of Arc’s imprisonment, trial and execution).

2) Paranormal

I’ve also been studying the science of paranormal research for over 35 years, since I was a child, since before the day my English teacher saw me leaving class once (in 1975/1976) with a pile of books under my arm (which I’d borrowed from Winchester library) on the subject of paranormal phenomena, and as a result of his shared interest in such issues, with my permission, he conducted some successful Zener card tests (tests which are designed to determine telepathic and / or precognitive ability) with me, the results of which indicated that I was scoring at a level that suggested I was exhibiting psychic ability. I’ve read a massive amount of what’s been written about the scientific research that’s taken place into mediumship, healing, quantum physics, remote viewing and PK (psychokinesis).

3) Closed Minds

I’ve even studied what some of the so-called skeptics have to say about such matters as those addressed in section ‘2’ above and I’ve analysed the behaviour patterns of the militant ‘Attack Skeptics’ who lash out at those who work in this field. I’ve noticed how, as they do this, sometimes en masse, they reveal in some ways the diluted behaviour patterns exhibited by the likes of The Inquisition, who caused thousands of psychics to be cruelly tortured and murdered in the most terrifying of ways (such as, for example, being burned alive). As a result I’ve wondered whether the ‘Attack Skeptics’ (who might be called 'The New Inquisition'?) of today, who go out of their way to persecute psychics and psychic researchers might indeed be the reincarnated souls of those who’ve engaged in bigotry and violence through the ages; resembling those violent criminals who, when released from prison revert to their malicious behaviour and re-offend, or the narrow minded Taliban who, for example, recently dynamited an ancient statue of Buddha, destroying something of international cultural value, simply because they disagreed with it - and I’ve shuddered at how thin the veneer of restraint appears to be in the context of the petty, spiteful behaviour manifested by some of these ‘Attack Skeptics’ and I’ve wondered at how, if our society still allowed such things to occur, we might perhaps see them venting their bigoted anger in more violent ways?

I’ve also studied, in depth, the behaviour patterns of religious cults (which resembles the behaviour of the ‘Attack Skeptics’). So I’m aware of how some beliefs generally - and closed-minded narrow beliefs specifically - can be a force for evil and a source of death and destruction.

4) Direct Experience

Conversely to the bigoted examples set by some skeptics, I’ve read excellent level-headed books written by world leaders in the field of mediumship and paranormal research, including those written by Matthew Manning, John Edward, James Van Praagh, Gordon Smith, Tony Stockwell, Lisa Williams, TJ Higgs, Doris Stokes, Lynne McTaggart, Dr Serena Roney Dougal, Dr Larry Dossey, Dr Gary Schwartz, Dr Dean Radin... and many more. These books and this amassed research, I believe, offer astounding evidence which is a cause for hope. These authors indicate, in ways that any sane, unbiased person would admit, evidence for the existence of, and importantly the survival of, the soul, along with the reality of telepathy and other paranormal phenomena... and, what’s more evidence for the existence of a Heavenly Realm (a ‘Hereafter’, a realm containing various ‘spheres’ to which departed souls transit after death).

I myself have had amazing readings with a number of psychics and mediums that have clearly demonstrated to me that they’ve ‘tuned in’ to loved ones on the Otherside in order to bring through names of some of these loved ones, as evidence of their survival, along with details of their lives and, indeed, mine. What’s more I’ve seen some of the world’s top psychic mediums - in person - present outstanding information to members of the audiences attending the events (including, John Edward, James Van Praagh, Colin Fry, Tony Stockwell, Derek Acorah, TJ Higgs and Lisa Williams). And of course, as regular visitors to my website will already be aware, I have myself had decades of encounters with spirit beings, during which I’ve received accurate messages, by direct request on my part, for evidence from them of the veracity of our communications (for instance in the context of prophetic insights presented to me regarding up-and-coming news events) and for my clients in the readings that I provide to them (which have included departed loved ones providing me with their names, as evidence, along with other relevant proofs).

The Case for the Afterlife

...So, in summary of my experience, I’ve explored both historical and contemporary evidence regarding the subject of survival of the soul and the existence of the Spirit Realm and this has been coupled with an extensive amount of proof gained through my own direct experiences with inhabitants of this realm. I don’t claim to ‘know it all’, far from it, but neither am I a novice either. As a result of my studies I have then confirmed, to my satisfaction, that a Spirit Realm exists. What’s more, and I believe this point has been stated by others (lawyer Victor Zammitt comes to mind), any reasonable court of law would likely consider the evidence that exists (some of which I’ve referred to above) in the form of 1) the facts that have been gathered by scientists coupled with 2) the accurate messages conveyed by mediums and psychics to their clients which, in turn, have been verified by the recipients as being astoundingly accurate and therefore indicative of survival ... to be significant enough to present a valid case in a court of law for the existence of a spirit realm - an Afterlife - and win. (You might like to read the excellent book called: ‘A Lawyer Presents the Case for the Afterlife: Irrefutable Objective Evidence’, by Victor Zammitt. Details available at http://www.victorzammit.com .)

Vying for our Attention

Now, having said all of this, I appreciate that this is my evidence (in the sense that it represents the accumulation of my research and personal experiences). It works for me because it answered many of MY questions in a very personal way. You of course will have to, with an open mind, gather your own evidence and then make of it what you will.

Based on my evidence which indicates (to me) the existence of a Spirit Realm I’m also led to understand that there is a Primary Intelligence that both sustains all that exists (in all realms of existence) and I understand that this Primary Intelligence is a loving intelligence and that all of the Higher Spirit Realms reflect this attitude (Love). The are however, negative spirit beings of lesser power who also exist and who, for a time, are free to exert a limited degree of influence on others. There are also, I understand lower spirit realms where those of low moral character go after death - until they’re ready for progression to the Higher Realms - and these lower realms, like our Earth, reflect the dominant characteristics of the realm. And this, in part, I understand, answers why our earth is such a mixed-up place.

Our planet is being bombarded by the influence of negative spirit beings. Of course, I’m not the first to talk about this; from the ‘First Prophet’, Zoroaster, through to Jesus and today, John Edward (see his new book called ‘Infinite Quest’, for example), many recognise and have recognised the existence of negative spirit entities. Conversely we (humanity) are, many believe (myself included) being encouraged by more evolved spirit beings to develop good character too (it’s part of the ‘meaning of life’, it’s why we’re born). This occurs in many ways, from ‘the still small voice within’ which lets us know when we’re behaving with either bad, or more hopefully, good character, which reflects, I intuit, a combination of our own deeper spiritual identity, in the form of conscience and.. the subtle encouragement of benevolent entities - to the revelatory messages that shamans, saints, prophets, mystics and mediums have shared with humanity over millennia. As a result, I suggest, our planet’s history reflects this tug-of-war ‘battle’, even to the level of the natural world, in which beauty and gentleness exist alongside a ‘nature red in tooth and claw’ where crocodiles feast on wildebeest and impalas are disemboweled by lions. Yet, where a mother lioness can demonstrate warm affection towards her cubs and dogs are seen to evidence compassion as they come to the aid of their fellows - and even human beings (I remember reading the touching and tear-generating news report about how when a child was playing in a body of water a crocodile or alligator began to swim towards him, ready to eat him, while on the shore the child’s dog companion could see what was about to happen and as a result it jumped into the water and swam between the boy and the crocodile, the result of which was that the crocodile took the dog’s life - saving the child in the process.) We live in a world of pain and pleasure. A world of good and evil. A world of right and wrong. A world of contradiction. Where fairness and unfairness are inextricably entwined like strands of a cord. Where decent people live side by side with sociopaths. Where God and an Evil force seem to be vying for our attention.

An Insight from Zoroaster

Probably the best religious explanation for the contradictory state of our world and the question of, ‘If God is a God of Love, how come there is so much evil in the world?’, that I have discovered is to be found, in my opinion, in Zoroastrianism (and reflected later in various religions and philosophies). In a nutshell Zoroastrianism suggests that there preexisted two powerful entities, one omnipotent and omniscient (called Ahura Mazda) and the other (called Angra Mainyu) not. The omnipotent omniscient being Ahura Mazda - God - is Good, while the other being - Angra Mainyu - is Evil. God was aware of the existence of the other being, but the other pre-existent being, lacking God’s supreme power was not at first aware of God.  (Remember too, how in the Old Testament, God is reputed to have said 'Let US make man in OUR image', implying the existence of at least one other entity than just He. What might this record be hinting at?) When God began the act of creation the Evil being, having become aware of God and creation, spitefully attacked God’s creation. As a result evil became mixed with good - in the physical world.  (This closely resembles both the Judeo-Christian and the Islamic stories of Satan and Iblis, two names for the fallen angel who is in a state of rebellion and who is, ultimately, the architect for all the evil in the world.) The Evil being, working with other lesser, but still powerful evil spirits seeks to generate suffering and ultimately to cause total destruction - while good spirits, acting for God, intervene to stop destruction from occurring, while, in the process, for evolutionary reasons, WORKING WITH HUMANITY so that humanity might become a part of the solution and co-workers in the eventual overthrowing of Evil, which God will accomplish WHEN HUMANITY REJECTS Evil. At this time the ‘mixture’ of good and evil, pain and pleasure, right and wrong’ will cease to be, as God finally, separates, for eternity, the Evil element from the rest of existence.

Of course, this is a simplified example of an explanation to a dilemma that is, I believe, beyond finite minds to fully understand, but it goes some way to answering why the world is like it is and why evil exists in a realm that was, supposedly, created by, and is maintained by, a God of Love.

Awakening from the Delusion

One of the overriding messages I receive from my Spirit Guides when I’m channelling corresponds very much with what I’ve found recorded in some of the ancient messages of the Prophet Zoroaster (amongst others). I’m told that God is Good. I understand that there are many benevolent beings working with God. I’m also told that there is an Evil being which exists. And with this being wicked entities - demons - exist. Like Zoroaster I understand that our world is something of a ‘battle ground’ - with a predestined outcome, leading to a time when Good will ‘overcome’ Evil, when humanity, working as co-creators with the Good Spirit (God) and the benevolent spirits created by the Good Spirit will finally help expunge evil from creation.

I intuit that this is a gradual process, in which, quantum leaps occur, leading to higher and higher levels of spiritual development, one of which I believe we’re on the threshold of achieving soon as we enter what could reasonably be called a ‘New Age’. In the run up to this ‘New Age’, however, the forces of Evil are working tirelessly to stymie the evolutionary process that's taking place and as a result we’ve seen, in the last 100 years or so, the worst wars in history, terrorism on a scale never before conceived, along with the break down of moral values, corruption in high places... and so much more. As these troubles occur many people are beginning to snap out of the ‘workaday world’ delusion that they’ve hitherto been immersed in and are beginning to think about the really important issues of life. Some are now wondering whether there might be a spiritual answer to the problems of our world. As a result some who think about such issues intelligently are reading what the scientists are discovering and having their awareness expended and this is leading to an increase of interest in the possibility of spirit communication. And with the potential of spirit communication naturally there follow questions about the character of God.

What do you think?

At this point, as we draw this article to a conclusion, it’s apt to recall the opening statements of ‘Person 1’, who never admitted to any doubts about the existence of God, and ‘Person 2’ who asked reasonable questions. Do you know what I think?  I'll tell you. I think that ‘Person 2’, the person who doubted, the person who wondered, who questioned, the person who’d had their faith challenged perhaps even, for a time, who may have felt that they’d even ‘lost’ their faith when confronted by the onslaught of the evidence for the existence of Evil in a world purportedly created by a Good God, is closer to God than the person like ‘Person 1’ who mechanistically ‘believes' without really every truly, open-mindedly, weighing all of the issues and then honestly considering the evidence.  Indeed, I believe that God wants us to ask questions like this. What do you think?

Have you ever had a ‘crisis of faith’? Did you ever worry that God might not exist? Or did you worry that God did exist but that God was a cruel God? In my opinion, I suggest, it’s quite likely that in those moments you actually drew closer to God than you ever were before, when you ‘just believed’ without really thinking about why you believe what you believe.

Become Co-creators

I don’t claim to have all the answers. What I have done, above though, is shared some of my thoughts and experiences with you in the hope that as you sift through the evidence that exists - and as you seek direct experience, you too will find answers that work for you. I want to positively challenge you to consider the potential for the existence of a Spirit Realm, led by a benevolent God, who encourages us to become co-creators with Him.

Kerin Webb: psychic medium, clairvoyant, channeller and past life reader, based in Bournemouth, Dorset, UK.