Grief: To Hell and Back... Almost.

One of the harshest pains a person can experience is the agony of the sudden death of a loved one, sometimes preceded by an illness or tragic accident. The death of a loved one, particularly a tragic death can be devastating. And the grieving process can seem to be intolerable. It can feel like your soul is being torn apart. Tears flow. Shock hits. And even knees can buckle at the sudden receipt of tragic news. While the overwhelming waves of pain keep pounding.

Sleep is troubled by nightmares that replicate, twist and contort recent events - causing them to be relived over and over again in the dream state. There’s no respite. Nowhere to run or hide from the pain. It just keeps coming. Unremitting. And there’s nothing that can be done to change the recent course of events. No time-travelling DeLorean or Tardis, no angel from On High waiting to open a magical windo w to the past so that you can intervene in the nick of time, ‘moments before it happened’ to save the life that was so tragically lost. Things can’t be changed. Events are fixed in time. They’ve happened. There’s no escape.  

Briefly, during moments when thoughts become somewhat coherent between the pounding waves of pain, you manage to gather some lucidity and you find that you’re thinking about how unfair it all is. 'Why? Why should this have happened? Where was God? Why this? She didn’t deserve this! He should never have had to suffer like that!' And then comes the anger... the rage.

Perhaps you rage at Heaven? Maybe you wonder how a so-called ‘God of Love’ could have allowed this to occur as you scream: ‘What the f**k is going on? How could this be permitted? Where was God when I needed Him most?’ Why did He stand silently by and just let this happen? How could He be so unfair? So hard? So uncaring? So... unresponsive?’. And as you shout your broken-hearted questions you find that they... remain devoid of answers.

The turmoil continues and you shift between rage and tears... and, perhaps, questions of faith too: “I begged You to intervene, but you didn’t. How can I believe in You if you let things like this happen? Do You enjoy watching people suffer; after all, you allow so much of it to occur? Are You even listening? Do You even care? Do You even exist? Am I just talking to myself? I just don’t know what to believe any more. I only know that I hurt so much.’

Then the desperation follows. You can’t bear the feelings of loss and separation anymore... so you start searching. Maybe you start reading Scripture for answers in the hope that somewhere, anywhere, you will find, even a glimmer of hope that your loved one continues to exist; that he or she is safe, residing in another realm, a dimension that you’ve heard spoken of by various names, such as, perhaps, ‘Heaven’, ‘The Otherside’, ‘The Summerlands’, or maybe quite simply... ’The Spirit Realm’. You yearn for evidence of your own. You search frantically for some ray of hope that the ‘dead’ are not really dead after all, that they are instead just transformed... like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, discarding one body for another, because you know or at least hope that if you can find evidence of this kind it will mean that one day you too will be changed, when the time is right, and as a result you will be reunited with the one you love as you discover that the love you have for each other is eternal... just as you both are.

Maybe as you research the beliefs recorded in the various ‘Holy Books’ that millions follow and which in various ways suggest that an Afterlife exists you chance upon a book, or tune into a TV programme about mediumship? And maybe you ask yourself... is it possible for a medium to provide genuine evidence of survival in a way that validates what religion suggests? Not just in generalised terms, but in ways that are quite specific to you... in ways that will prove to you that your loved one still exists and that you can communicate with him or her, from the Otherside of life?

Motivated by the combined intensity of your pain and your feelings of the need to be reunited with your loved one, the search begins in earnest. Maybe you read ‘One Last Time’, by the internationally renowned medium called John Edward, or ‘Mediums and their Work’, by Linda Williamson. Perhaps you start to read other books or tune into the TV shows presented by medium John Edward and those other well-known, highly regarded men and women James Van Praagh, TJ Higgs, Allison DuBois, Colin Fry, Tony Stockwell, Derek Acorah, Carla Baron, Gordon Smith, Chip Coffey, Kelvin Cruickshank, Deb Webber, Sue Nicholson and Lisa Williams... who demonstrate before live audiences (and in some cases in scientific tests conducted by Arizona State University, the details of which were published in the books called: ‘The Afterlife Experiments’ and ‘The Truth About Medium’, written by Dr Gary Schwartz) what appears to be the remarkable ability to genuinely receive messages from ‘departed’ spirits, which, time and time again offer proof of significant survival? And as you do, you get a sense that, maybe, just maybe, the most important answer to all of the many questions you have, might indeed be answered? The question of whether or not your loved one still exists.

So you begin to consider visiting a medium yourself for a reading. But you also have questions, or doubts about doing so: ‘What if the medium doesn’t offer me any reasonable evidence?’ Maybe it’s better not to try, rather than try and be disappointed?’, and so on. But, eventually, the questions give way to the desire, the need to reconnect. The risk becomes worth it. Soon you find yourself sitting in a spiritualist church, or in a reading room, or on the other end of the telephone with someone who claims to be a ‘Clairvoyant Medium’, or a “Psychic Channeler’, or some other term that’s used to indicate the professed ability to be able to receive, and most importantly, as far as you’re concerned, to be able to share evidence from the Spirit Realm - with you.

Perhaps your first encounter (as was mine) turns out to be a bit duff and you come away feeling disillusioned and disappointed. And that causes the doubts, fears and pain to increase once more. Nevertheless, the need to reconnect is so strong that you decide to try again, sooner or later. And then it happens! You find yourself startled, fluctuating between elation and disbelief as you paradoxically marvel in a state of amazement that what’s happening to you really is taking place because somehow, someone that you’ve never met before, someone who knew nothing about either you or your loved one is telling you quite specific, detailed things about your loved one and because of this suddenly, amongst your tears of joy, you feel enveloped by a feeling of overwhelming relief. You have evidence. At last you know, I mean really know, that your loved one has survived. That your loved one is well. And that your loved one is aware of your attempt to communicate and has taken the opportunity to reciprocate by providing the medium with solid information that has proven to you that the soul - and therefore that love - survives. And your life changes...

The pain begins to subside. It doesn’t ever fully disappear, but it lessens and becomes overshadowed by feelings of ongoing shared love... and by a great sense of security. You feel connected with your loved one in a special kind of way. You know that you can talk to your loved one, and due to the evidence that you’ve read, seen on TV and now experienced in person - you know your loved one is aware of this. And that makes you feel good.

Over time perhaps you find answers to some of your other questions. Perhaps some others remain unanswered, on this side of life? But the most important question of all regarding your loved one has been answered - as you’ve discovered evidence that proves to you that the soul survives. That Love is Eternal. And maybe that’s the most important answer of all?

Kerin Webb: psychic medium, clairvoyant, channeller and past life reader, based in Bournemouth, Dorset, UK.